


Inconvenience Store

by Valkyri (kisikil)



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa 3: The End of 希望ヶ峰学園 | The End of Kibougamine Gakuen | End of Hope's Peak High School, Dangan Ronpa Zero
Genre: Danganronpa Student Council, Gen, this is literally one giant shitpost
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-16
Updated: 2017-04-16
Packaged: 2018-10-19 18:59:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10646046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kisikil/pseuds/Valkyri
Summary: Soshun had no earthly clue why Kotomi found it necessary to drag him out to the convenience store at two in the morning.





	Inconvenience Store

**Author's Note:**

> there's literally no moral or point to this fic. it's just a giant shitpost
> 
> personalities based on my stuco mutual killing fic, obviously

"Do you think they'll have any magazines with chicks with big tits on their covers?"

"My greater concern is why you're dragging me to the convenience store at _two in the morning._ "

Soshun was spending a perfectly normal, comfortable, relaxing night in his dorm. After finishing the last of the council work concerning the upcoming "talent" show Aiko proposed, beating Ryouta after 8 matches in online Ru-Gi-Roh (much to the plushie collector's dismay), and claiming victory against Sousuke in their battle to see who would have the final goodnight, Soshun was finally able to rest his head on his soft pillow, which had been calling for him that entire night, waiting to be reunited with him...

....Until Kotomi kicked down his door and dragged him out of bed. Now, they were walking through the chilly, cloudless night, away from campus and towards the nearest convenience store for god knows what. She didn't even give him a chance to dress out of his pajamas, though she was prancing in hers as well, her hair tied up in a high ponytail rather than it usually was. Kotomi had a skip to her step, completely unaffected by the fact that it was, indeed, two in the morning on a school night. She also seemed completely unfazed by the chilly air, which nipped at the skin more than usual because of the light breeze that joggled the leaves in the trees.

Soshun sniffed, the cold air blistering his nose, throat, lungs. He hated life at the moment.

"I needed cotton balls," Kotomi finally answered his question, uncovering the mystery that forced him from having a restful night's sleep.

" _Why_ do you need cotton balls at two in the morning?" Soshun asked.

"I'm out of cotton balls."

"That doesn't answer why you need them in the middle of the night."

" _Look_ ," Kotomi stopped in her tracks, causing Soshun to nearly run into her. She swung around and pointed at him. "Sousuke gave me this acne kit 'cause he saw one - one! - zit, and step two of that damned kit needs cotton balls!"

"Why didn't you...wait until morning to use it, then?"

"Because I already did step one before I realized I needed the cotton balls!"

"Then do the rest in the morning."

"Soshun, I don't know about you, but I believe in uniformity and going all the way! Finishing the job and coming out on top! Perseverance!"

"Where's that drive when Karen and I are doing all the council work and you're busy napping on my desk?"

"This is _different_ , Soshun!" Kotomi exclaimed, dramatically pressing one hand against her chest and the back of the other against her forehead. "I can't stare blissfully at my beautiful Karen if I'm busy doing lame paperwork!"

"Ah, yes. How could I forget." Soshun was tired. Oh so tired.

After a few moments of dragging his feet on the rough sidewalk, they finally arrive at a convenience store that was settled at the corner of two streets not far from Hope's Peak. Several thoughts crossed Soshun's fatigued brain - why didn't she just go to the school store? Why didn't she just go to the nurse's office? Why didn't she just ask her brother for some? Thinking was a fruitless endeavor, however, for they were already located on what felt to be the first layer of hell. Kotomi jumped on the mat in front of the store and threw her arms wide as the doors slide open on their own, the beacon of light that escape from within blazing into Soshun's eyes, burning them from within. He calculated in his head just how much sleep he would need in order to function like a proper human being come morning. He settled on the fact he may have to skip lunch.

They entered the store, which had a strange sterilized smell to it. The light contrasted with the dark outside punctured Soshun's eyes, especially since he could barely keep them open to begin with. He figured the cotton balls had to be where all the restroom products were... But, instead of heading there, Kotomi's first destination was the magazines.

" _We are not looking for pornographic magazines, Kotomi._ " Soshun scolded as she skimmed through each one.

"I'm not looking for _pornos_ , Soshun!" Kotomi argued. "I'm just looking for ones where the girls are wearing a little less clothing than girls usually wear."

"Because there's a difference," Soshun replied.

"Oh, look!" Kotomi suddenly shouted. "I found one for you!"

"I don't want-" Soshun started to say before Kotomi interrupted him with a magazine shoved in his face. On the cover was a bare-chested man with every muscle shown with incredible detail. In fact, all the man wore was one thing - a speedo, which showed something in particular very prominently. Soshun just glared at Kotomi as she gave him one of her signature shit-eating smirks.

" _Kotomi._ "

"Oh, right," Kotomi sneered. "You'd like it better if that was Sou-"

" _I'm leaving._ "

"WAIT NO PLEASE," Kotomi squalled, dropping to the floor and hugging Soshun's leg. "YOU NEED TO PAY FOR MY COTTON BALLS!"

" _That's_ why you brought me here?!" Soshun wailed. Kotomi just grinned and scoffed. He pinched the bridge of his nose. "Fine. Fine. But no porn."

As such, they left the magazine-slash-porn section. Unfortunately, it didn't take long for Kotomi to stray off course once more towards the section adorned with all kinds of chocolates in different sorts of packaging. She plucked one off the shelf, opened it up, and started snacking out of it.

"You can't just do that," Soshun told her.

"You're paying for it," Kotomi retorted. He didn't have a reply to that. Instead, he just stuck his hand into the package and popped a piece of chocolate into his mouth.

They wandered around the convenience store for a bit, looking for the cotton balls. Turns out cotton balls were much harder to find than one would think - they checked where the restroom products were, but were unsuccessful in finding any cotton of any sort. They tried the makeup section, but there was no sign of them there, either. Soshun had considered getting Sousuke something nice from there, but he knew nothing about cosmetology nor did he think any of a corner store's makeup selection would be up to par with something the Ultimate Cosmetologist would use.

They ended up finding themselves in the toy aisle, messing with all the things they found there. Kotomi got her hands on a toy gun and shot foam bullets at Soshun's head, much to his dismay since she didn't know how to miss. Soshun found two small stuffed animals he thought Karen would like - one was a brown puppy with huge eyes and the other was a kitten holding a tiny yarn ball. Unable to decide which to get her, he settled on buying them both.

"Hey, gimme one of those," Kotomi said, shooting him in the eye with a foam bullet to get his attention. "I wanna give her one."

"Find your own toy to get her," Soshun replied, his statement met with another bullet to the face. "Stop that!"

"Stop hogging Karen, Mr. Sister Complex!" Kotomi shouted, shooting him again in the neck. He coughed. "Speaking of sister complex, you gonna get one for Umesawa, too?"

"I am a terrible human being," Soshun said. He completely forgot about getting Aiko a stuffed animal too. He had to get her two as well, of course, since he was getting Karen two. He scoured through the stuffed animals, trying to pick out the perfect ones for his little sister who was actually older than him. He settled on a rabbit - classic - and a bear, since he remembered her saying that Tomohiko reminded her of one.

"And Kamii?" Kotomi added.

_How, oh, how could he have forgotten his mother?_

Before Soshun realized what just happened, he had grabbed enough stuffed animals to give two to each council member, including Kotomi (she picked out her own; two dogs, more specifically, one matching Karen's dog Soshun had picked out earlier). His arms were so full that Kotomi had to fetch a hand basket from up front. Even then, they each still had to carry a few furry friends in their arms.

"You got enough money for all this?" Kotomi asked, raising a brow.

"Who cares," Soshun replied. He did; the question was if he had enough money for this _and_ for food the rest of the week. The smiles of his friends, however, were more than enough to get him through crippling starvation.

Finally, at long last, they managed to find the cotton balls - they were up front, right when you walked through the door, below a giant sign that said "COTTON BALLS - 50% OFF". It didn't cross their minds, however, that they completely missed this giant display when they were distracted with pornographic magazines. They were caught off guard, amazed that these cotton balls seemed to materialize from thin air. Kotomi nabbed six packs.

" _Why_ do you need so many cotton balls? You just need them for that acne stuff, right?" Soshun inquired. However, there was no response as six packages of cotton balls were plopped on top of the plethora of stuff animals. No response was needed, it seemed.

After what seemed like hours within the store, they were finally at the counter to pay. Soshun gently placed the hand basket and his armful of stuffed animals on the counter while Kotomi chunked her armful and her chocolate, the candy nearly spilling over onto the floor on the cashier's side...the cashier's side that was, mysteriously enough, empty. There was a small bell on the counter, with a small sign that read, "Ring for service". As such, Kotomi took the liberty to mash the bell with no mercy.

"HEEEEELLOOOOOO!" Kotomi shouted, ringing the bell at quick intervals, the sound emanating throughout the entire store. "WE'RE IN NEED OF SERVICE HERE!"

"Oh, calm down, you loud miscreant," another voice hollered from the other side of the store. "I'm coming."

Kotomi grunted. "Talk about customer service. You hear what they said about you, Soshun?"

"Yeah. Me."

Kotomi impatiently tapped her foot against the tile floor, her arms crossed and eyebrow furrowed. Soshun just kept snacking on their chocolate, examining the toys he got for Ryouta, wondering if the Ultimate Stuffed Animal Collector would really appreciate cheap plushies from a corner store. Five minutes passed before they heard someone coming, and when they turned to finally see who would be checking them out....

...

"...Hino?"

" _Oh, you have got to be kidding me._ "

There standing before them in an apron that had the words "Thank you for your service!" scrawled in big, bubbly pink letters was the Ultimate Shamisen Player and the student council treasurer himself, Asukasei Hino. He didn't even try to sport an award-winning employee of the month smile - he just scowled at the two from behind the counter. Kotomi could only keep her snickers at bay for so long.

"You-"

" _Say a word and I'll tell them you were shoplifting."_

"I-I didn't know you worked here, Hino," Soshun stuttered. Asukasei's glare always made him nervous, especially since Asukasei had no qualms about openly wishing for the deaths of everyone who approached him...except for a Shouji, for some reason.

"Well, I need money," Asukasei uttered, ringing up the pile of stuffed animals before him. "I'm guessing your friendship kink kicked in again?"

"It's not-"

"It's a kink."

Soshun just shut his mouth and pulled out his wallet, counting the yen he had left and ignoring Asukasei's sharp words. He was about to give up all hope on bonding with Asukasei this tiring night until he remembered something. He picked up two of the stuffed animals - a small white parakeet and a black puppy that barked when you pressed its stomach - and shoved them at his treasurer.

"Th-Those are for you!" Soshun said. "I got two for everyone, and those are yours."

Asukasei held both of the toys in his hands, staring at them for a long while. Then, he scoffed and rang them up. "These are stupid," he said as he stuffed both in his apron pockets, their heads peeping up from the opening. "I hate these, you idiot," he continued as he pat the puppy on the head. "Don't try to appease me like this again."

Soshun just smiled, ultimately relieved.

It took a good while for Asukasei to ring through all the stuffed animals and twelve cotton ball packages (Kotomi had gone back to pick up six more, befuddling Soshun further as to why so many cotton balls where necessary). Soon, though, he got through the pile, using up almost every plastic bag the counter had available to fill with stuffed animals, cotton balls, and chocolate. When Soshun saw how much it all cost, he shed a tear as he pulled every last yen he had from his wallet...until Asukasei stopped him.

"It's on me," Asukasei muttered.

"Huh?"

"I'll pay for it, you dumbass."

"You don't have to do that-"

"Accept my generosity for it's the last time I'll ever do this for you."

Soshun silenced himself as Asukasei pulled out his wallet and paid for the transaction himself. They heard something fizz next to them; they turned to find that Kotomi had opened one of the soda's from the freezers and chugged it. Asukasei swiped the empty bottle from her hand and grumbled as he added it to the total.

"Thanks, buddy!" Kotomi chimed.

"Never call me that again," Asukasei warned.

Asukasei paid, grumbling all the while as though it were an inconvenience even though he was the one to volunteer. As they left the convenience store, they heard a small bark of a fake puppy behind them, its barks drowned out by the shutting sliding doors.

"I think he liked the puppy!" Soshun excitedly exclaimed.

They walked down the sidewalk back to campus, each dragging ten stuffed plastic bags. The air was a bit cooler and the wind picked up, but Soshun didn't mind. Earlier, he was absolutely exhausted, his consciousness slipping between reality and dreaming. But, now, he was exuberant; he was actually a bit sad to be leaving and going home so soon. He'd never been out this late before - it was exciting! It was thrilling! Kotomi, on the other hand, was yawning.

"What time is it, anyway?" Kotomi asked him. Soshun pulled out his phone, but there was something else on his lock screen besides the blatant "2:45 am" - there were seventeen new messages in the student council group chat.

"Uh oh," Soshun said. Kotomi peeked over his shoulder as he opened up his messages. The new messages read as follows, all being sent within the span of three minutes:

Sousuke: GOODNIGHT SOSHUN (´ ▽｀).。ｏ♡(*・∀-)☆

Sousuke: haha, whoops! sorry about that guys! ^^

Sousuke: ...

Sousuke: ...soshun? （ : へ：）

Sousuke: SOSHUN??? ・゜・(ノД`)

Karen: What's the matter, Mr. Ichino?

Sousuke: SOSHUN'S NOT REPLYING 。：゜(；´∩｀；)゜：。

Karen: Oh! Maybe he's asleep.

Sousuke: OH! i can ask kotomi! she's always up at this time

Sousuke: KOTOMI (⌒▽⌒)☆

Sousuke: ...

Karen: Kotomi?

Sousuke: KOTOMI? SOSHUN??

Sousuke: WHERE ARE YOU .・゜゜・（／。＼）・゜゜・．

Sousuke: WHAT IF SOMETHING HAPPENED TO THEM

Karen: What?!

Karen: I'll call the police right now!

" _She called the cops,_ " Soshun said, noting that the last message was sent a full ten minutes ago. The relaxing walk back to Hope's Peak turned into a frantic dash as they raced against the police sirens they heard in the distance.

**Author's Note:**

> i love these nerds
> 
> DONT FORGET to leave kudos and comment I love all of you and what u have to say


End file.
